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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25217554">With Or Without You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onononon/pseuds/Onononon'>Onononon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supergirl (TV 2015)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:08:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,219</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25217554</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onononon/pseuds/Onononon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This is an episode that is instead of by Kara's perceptive it is by Lena's. What happens after the finale, and Lena doing what she can to learn how to forgive herself, and gain the trust of her friends back. But most of all to get her best friend back. But what happens when she reveals that she's in love with the Girl of Steel?</p><p>Song for the Feels- With or Without You- U2</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>With Or Without You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When I was a child, my father had an affair with a woman while still married to his wife. She got pregnant after that and later on had me. But then she died, and as a young child my father and his wife adopted me, My brother, Lex Luthor soon grew up and went mad trying to kill Superman. And so, I left Metropolis and went to National City for a fresh start. I made lots of friends, and became best friends with Kara Danvers. But I learned her secret, that she was Supergirl and discovered I was the last of our friends to know. Leaving me in pain. I tried to help humanity by doing terrible things to try and fix all it's problems. To help my hurt go away. But then I learned I made the biggest mistake of my life and decided to turn my back on my project and my brother to try and redeem myself. I am Lena Luthor.</p><p>Previously on Supergirl:</p><p>I stood next to Kara in my lab and pointed at Eve Teschmacher, "In the last world she betrayed us, I may never know what was driving her but I do know what was driving you. You didn't want to tell me who you really were because you didn't want me to get hurt. But I did get hurt, and I did what I always do when people hurt me, I built a wall and I suffocated behind it. It makes it very difficult to see things for other people's point of views. But I see yours now, and I'm very sorry it took me so long." I didn't know how many times it was going to take me to apologize, but I know that I can't give up now.</p><p>She took a deep breath, crossing her arms,"You know when you should up on my door this morning I didn't, I didn't want to let you in. I kept waiting for you to let me down, but at every turn you came through. Building that suite, protecting my identities, supporting me, I wasn't ready to accept your apology. But maybe, maybe I am now." </p><p>"Okay, what now?" I asked with a smile.</p><p>"Well there's still one bad guy left to catch."</p><p>"Let's go take my brother down." And she reached out to shake my hand which was far from what I wanted but enough for now.</p><p>Starting Episode:</p><p>I woke up to my empty apartment. Too big for only one person, making my isolation all the more lonely. I called in to work, something I never do. I tried to sleep in because I was so exhausted but even throughout the night I couldn't sleep. Not after everything that had just happened. Going back to Kara, reuniting with the Superfriends, taking down Leviathan, Andrea trying to kill Kara with a Kryptonite blade, me standing in front of Kara saying that she was going to have to go through me because I was willing to die for her and do the right thing, and finally Kara accepting my apology and our handshake. The handshake was what rubbed me the wrong way the most. It didn't feel right to shake her hand. I wanted to hug her, like I saw her hugging Alex before. Except, there is so much baggage between us I don't know if things will ever be the same again.</p><p>I was wear an old college t-shirt and sweat pants barefoot, as I made my way into my kitchen. I poked around in my fridge to see it fully stocked with food that wouldn't get eaten because I'm only one person, and found what I was looking for. I got out some eggs, spinach, and the other ingredients I needed to make an omelet. I wasn't the greatest cook in the world, but I could do basic things. I cooked my eggs, tossing some bread in my toaster, and starting my coffee pot. Once it was ready I grabbed a plate and a mug for my coffee and carried it over with me to my couch. </p><p>I could see out of the too big glass doors connected to my balcony. Remembering when I saw the girl in blue who would fly in and tell me hello. I remembered her flying faster than the speed of light even to bring me my favorite foods from around the world. The sparkle in her eyes when she joined me in my apartment as comrades. When we were still best friends. The memory was sharp, and left a horrible pain in my heart. </p><p>I stared at my food, poking at it with a fork. I could't eat without nausea settling into my stomach. I tried to take a sip of my coffee and even that was enough to make me gag. I ran to my bathroom and lifted the lid over the toilet where I threw up what little was already inside of my stomach. Making the realization that I had about what I have done. The part I played in helping Leviathan and my brother make me sick to my core. When all I wanted was to be good, and I was blinded by the Luthor rage that possibly took hold of my brother. No one in my family was normal in anyway. Between my drunk father who passed, or his wife I was to call my mother who was probably just as crazy as my brother. I realized what I had become, but was it too late? Could I ever bounce back to any form of life that I had before? My heart seemed to clench at the idea. </p><p>I closed the lid of the toilet, and decided to go and take a shower and try to make myself somewhat presentable. I stripped my clothes and hopped in hoping that the too hot water would calm me down, but after twenty minutes or so I realized I was only avoiding the inevitable in my mind. That something was going to happen between me and Kara. We were going to have to try and work something out, but I wasn't sure if I would ever have the courage to look her in the eye and work on our friendship. For all I know it could have just been forgiveness to bring her peace. She most certainly wouldn't forget, and unfortunately no matter how hard I might try I couldn't try. I closed my eyes and saw my break down in the Fortress of Solitude all over again. Telling her all the hurt I felt, as I saw the look in her eyes. The pain I inflicted on her by my betrayal. </p><p>I wrapped a fluffy white towel around my body trying to keep the warmth from the shower. I threw on some jeans, and a sweater. I blow dried my hair and applied some light make up to my face. Anything to hide the bags under my eyes from the sleepless night that I had prior. I looked at myself in the mirror. I betrayed my friends, and I betrayed my best friend. I hurt people, and in an effort to stop me Kara was one of the many I hurt. Maybe I was just as evil as my brother. Some sort of madness took over me, and I didn't feel anything at all but hot rage in my core. It made me wonder if that's what my brother felt all the time. Why he did such terrible things.</p><p>I headed back into the living room and looked at my phone seeing that I had no new messages. I was completely and utterly alone. I turned on the TV to a channel that played reruns of old sitcoms I liked to watch, and grabbed a blanket as I curled up and tried to get some more sleep. I must have dosed off when I was woken up a knocking on my window. I jumped up expecting it to be Lex to get his revenge for me betraying him, and instead saw the girl in blue I could never seem to stop thinking about.</p><p>I just my sock feet I slid to the door on the hardwood floor, and opened the door for Kara. </p><p>"Kara?" </p><p>"May I come in?"</p><p>I opened the door and motioned for her to come inside.</p><p>"I'm surprised to see you here, and not at L-Corp. I stopped by and was told by Jess that you took the day off." She raised an eyebrow at me.</p><p>"I just thought I could use a day off." I tried to shrug.</p><p>"Since when do you not want to go to work?" </p><p>"I just wanted some time to myself away from the office."</p><p>"I hope I"m not interrupting anything." Kara said awkwardly.</p><p>"No," I chuckled at her but it sounded off, "not at all. I was just watching some TV. Thought I might sleep in a bit."</p><p>She nodded at me still with concern in her face.</p><p>"So what brings you here? Can I offer you anything to drink or can you not stay long? You're welcome to join me."</p><p>"I can't stay long." She said too quickly. "I just wanted to talk to you."</p><p>My stomach dropped. I was afraid she was going to yell at me just like everyone else. After all I deserved it.</p><p>"Lena," she sat down on the couch and patted the seat next to her. "I want things to go back to the way they used to too, but I don't know how we're going to accomplish that. I don't know what to do. We just keep hurting each other, and I hate that."</p><p>"Yeah, I keep thinking about that too."</p><p>"I don't know where to go from here. I don't know if I can ever trust you again. I mean could you ever trust me?" </p><p>That was one thing I actually could answer with a straight face. "I actually can." Which caused Kara blue eyes to grow wide with disbelief.</p><p>"You developed a project that could take away humanity's free-will be cause you got made at me keeping my secret from you, and you expect me to believe that you trust me."</p><p>"It's okay if you don't believe me." </p><p>Kara stood up frustrated. "I don't know what to do with you Lena. I love you, but I have no idea how to handle any of this."</p><p>"I'm sorry, Kara, I never should have reacted the way I did, I..." She cut me off.</p><p>"No, you shouldn't have. I thought you loved me too, but you hurt me. I never stopped fighting for you." She gave me a stern look that didn't reach eyes that looked like they were going to cry.</p><p>I wanted to wrap my arms around her, and tell her that I was sorry and that I would never leave her again. That I would never hurt her, that I never wanted to hurt her like that. That I've changed. That she's my heart, and I can't live without it. I come from a world of darkness, and I subjected myself to it despite her providing me the light at the end of the tunnel. </p><p>I tried not to cry too, seeing her hurt because of me was almost unbearable to watch. "I do love you, Kara."</p><p>She composed herself, trying to put on her Supergirl face. The one that only showed confidence and no fear. How many times did I stare into those eyes of this hero, and subconsciously feel the same butterflies in my stomach as I did when I was around Kara? Why did I never put two and two together.</p><p>"I have to get going, they're expecting me at the DEO." </p><p>I wanted to tell her not to go. To change back into her normal clothes and join me on the couch. To just be with me. There had to be a way I could get my best friend back. But if she knew the real reason why I lost it before I don't know if we'd ever have hope of fixing what we have lost.</p><p>"Kara," I chirped in she about to open the doors the balcony, "please don't go."</p><p>"Lena, I have to."</p><p>"I love you."</p><p>"Yeah, I know I love you too, but that doesn't change things, Lena."</p><p>"No, no, Kara," I took a deep breath, "Kara, I'm in love with you."</p><p>Her eyes widened in surprise at what I said, and didn't realized that she didn't turn the handle on the door so instead of walking through she ran face first into the glass with a loud crack causing her to fall backwards. I caught her before she hit the floor, and she placed her hands on my shoulders to steady herself.</p><p>"I really have to go," she said with a sad smile. "I'm sorry, and I'm sorry about your door..."</p><p>"Don't worry about it." I cut her off.</p><p>She nodded, and then she was gone. I was alone again. I went to grab a broom to sweep up the glass on the floor, and once finished I sat on the couch bringing my knees up to my chest. She knew the truth now. The real question is now, where do we go from here?"</p>
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